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Dating in your mid 50s

Men over 50 have lived a life already — many of whom are either widowed or divorced — which means he might be carrying some residual trauma from his past. Gibson puts it another way: He craves emotional support. Men who find themselves single in their 50s have often been married for many years, so they continue to desire the companionship and emotional support they once shared.

However, his longing for closeness might not be all what it seems. He will pursue her through text and online just for that. Clarify your relationship status, stat. He might be old-fashioned. Men in their 50s come from a time when it was expected of them to make the first move. If you enjoyed his company, let him know. He wants to get intimate. People over 50 are having multiple partners without using protection, because many are not used to using contraception, such as condoms. It was almost as if the absence of competition — how could I possess the youthful attributes of women his age?

I had to assume he appreciated qualities which I had and which they did not. This was fantastically liberating. The other worry my friends voiced was porn.

7 dating anxieties to overcome when you're over 50

How could I compete with women his age who had been force-fed a diet of the stuff and learned practices and techniques that had doubtless never crossed my boring married mind? In the olden days, we had an expression — good in bed — which seems hopelessly unfit for purpose in Only in a bed? My hopeful answer was that plenty of men wax lyrical about the older women with whom they had flings when they were young. Surely no amount of mechanical "technique" learned from the internet can replace experience?

1. The ex factor

Friends asked if it was odd dating someone younger. Curiously, despite the gulf of reference and experience, not at all. We liked and respected each other. In the end, though, the inevitable futurelessness began to eclipse the fun, and it ended, but we remain on the best of terms. I was vulnerable when I was young, too, but at least I had youth on my side then, even if I didn't appreciate it. It is the combination of middle age and new technologies that feels so scary and doom-laden. Yes, there is wisdom, experience and a different kind of hard-won confidence, but there is baggage, too.

In my 20s it was basic. Do I fancy him? If yes, does he fancy me? One tick, no sex, though possibly, if there was no alternative that evening. Two ticks, then sex. And possibly more sex, and if lucky, a relationship. Mistake dates could be written off quickly. A broken heart less so, but even then one only had oneself to consider. Now, it isn't possible to enter into things so lightly, which means there is pressure when one does enter into them at all.

The consequences of dating "mistakes" in middle age are more rippling. They are happy to welcome anyone but if he treats me unkindly, quickly brand him a "knob" and freeze him out in that inimitable teenage way. Meanwhile, I hope to be with someone who has the potential to understand children and to love them. In this respect, a man without children of his own could be a long-shot.

A Dozen Dos And Don'ts Of Dating In Your 50s | HuffPost

I am not able to tolerate anyone who I think will upset or disrespect them. If that makes me fussy or demanding, then so be it. But sexting and Tinder — and happn , which I learned about for the first time recently — have rendered middle-aged novices such as myself mere amateurs in the business of finding the right partner. The stakes are high and yet we have a whole new skill set to learn, and fast. Sexting in particular is a complicated art, especially for someone who cares about nuance.

But I guess that's me, showing my age.

2. I've met everyone I'm ever going to meet

Perhaps I should behave like a grown-up and not go in for all this adolescent nonsense. It probably compounds my lack of success, but I find it part of the fun. Married friends say they envy the edginess in my life.

But, believe me, the hurly-burly of the chaise-longue soon turns into a chaise-longueur. The notion of the deep peace of the marital — or at least vaguely familiar — bed fast becomes far preferable. I am fine with the hurly-burly for the time being but don't want it to go on for ever. But in dating I am so often startled by people, in good ways and bad, and that does make me feel life is very far from dull, and maybe there is consolation to be had in that.

I had a blind date with a man who seemed civilised and normal, till he spoke of the persecutions to which he is subject by colleagues, family and the state. He took me to a far corner of London, back to his flat, which I can only describe as fetid. Although he was fastidious in some ways no alcohol; bicycle clips , the place stank of five-month-old brie.

One friend said, "If that was the state of his kitchen, God forbid the state of his cock. As a general rule, I try to avoid the subject of my children on dates because it is so easy to be a bore about them. I had dinner with a man who clearly had no such qualms. He had one daughter and he waxed lyrical about her from the moment we sat down at the table, throughout the three courses and on into the coffee.

Dating after 50: Do's and Don'ts. What do men really want?

He was warm and gentle and this girl sounded terrific but, as I made my way home, I realised that while I could have written her biography, he didn't know how many children I had. In three hours he had not asked one question other than, "I think we'll have the bordeaux, don't you? I am capable of speaking up and should have been assertive, but couldn't be bothered. No amount of assertion can make up for a person's absence of curiosity. Another man, handsome, smiling, took me aside at a party.


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It wasn't a date but he was clearly assessing whether or not he could be arsed to do what it might take to sleep with me.