And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
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And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids? Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do. Many sero-different couples where one is HIV positive and the other is not decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative. CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV.
Results are usually given as cells per cubic mm. Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working.
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The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable below 50 copies. If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good. You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you. In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you. The simplest option is just to conceive normally.
In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive.
For example knowing the best times. If he was recently diagnosed he may still be figuring it all out. Of course, so are you.
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In that way, you share the diagnosis. Get specific about what you need most from your partner. How can he support you while you support him?
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What do you miss the most when your partner is focused on his regimen and self-care, and how could you get more of what you need? Getting together with friends, or spending quality time together? It can be hard to sit down and have a conversation about needs and expectations. These conversations can veer into dangerous territory, and nobody wants to walk into a conflict especially when you or your partner may experience some raw feelings. But also keep in mind that talking about your relationship can make it stronger.
Make that your goal. Start on a positive note: And I know you are dealing with a lot. I want to support you in taking good care of yourself. I want to understand your treatment regimen.
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
No elephants in the room, okay? Most of all, be patient. Learning to live with HIV is an ongoing process adjusting to the drug regimen, making healthy lifestyle changes, and coping with the emotions that come up, as well as issues like disclosure. All of this requires lots of patience with your boyfriend and yourself. If you can keep the line of communication open, without accusations or defensiveness, you will be more able to avoid hurt feelings and resentment.
While life may feel out of balance right now, the two of you will find your new normal as your boyfriend gains his footing on the road ahead.
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Remind each other every day who number one is, then back up your words with action. My boyfriend has been incredibly supportive since I got my HIV diagnosis. Being watched that closely is disempowering, even though I know he means well. And his constant hovering is stressing me out. I already have a mother.
What can I do to get him to lighten up without hurting his feelings?