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Shy guys dating

He notices she seems like she's becoming attracted to him, and he blows things soon after. Hanging out, going on a date, the idea is the same. Sometimes a guy will be able to talk to someone he's interested in, often because the circumstances put them together, so the onus wasn't on him to approach anyone.

If they like someone they'll often feel too nervous to ask them out and face the awkwardness and risk of rejection that entails. They may never ask them out, or put it off so long that by the time they do they're well into the Friend Zone. Even with all of the above stacked against them, a shyer, inexperienced guy will sometimes have enough things go their way that they end up in a position where they're alone with a woman and want to 'make a move' on them e. Unsurprisingly, they're really nervous and hesitant about this as well. Same general discomfort and risk of rejection.

They may have a blatant, all-systems-go opportunity where the girl is clearly interested, but they can't manage to go through with it. There they are, sitting on a couch watching a movie with their date when the credits start to roll.


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She turns to face him, looking into his eyes expectantly. He returns her gaze and pauses for a moment, and a little longer, and a bit longer still Afterward he's kicking himself for being so spineless. He was trying to work up the nerve to kiss her all evening, and kept wondering if now was the right time to do it, but in the end he couldn't pull the trigger. One key fear guys have in this situation is if they're sexually inexperienced they're worried their embarrassing secret will be outed, and they'll be humiliated. They may think something like, "I've never kissed a girl.

I don't know what I'm doing.

They're nervous about talking to women they're interested in

What if she can tell I've never done this before? And when you're really inexperienced yourself it seems that's pretty much every woman. Part of this comes from a belief that no girl would be interested in a shy guy if she's had already had a few boyfriends. It also goes back to that point I mentioned in the last paragraph about them fearing their inexperience being outed.

This hinders a shy guy in two ways. First, they'll often rule out more obviously experienced girls as prospects. Only harmless, innocent-seeming girls don't arouse their fears. But there are only so many women out there who are just as shy, innocent, and inexperienced as them, so it really cuts down their possibilities, and makes them put that much more pressure on themselves when they do find one who fits the description.

Secondly, if they're into a girl, and she seems into them, and she says something that draws attention to her comparatively higher level of experience e. She seems a lot more daunting now. And they figure, why would she want him? She has experience, he doesn't. It's never work out.


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  • With time many anxious guys can slowly face their fears and gain enough experience with the opposite sex that they're not as held back by their anxiety as they used to be. They can start dating like everyone else. However, they may always have a tougher time of it than some men.

    Dating and Confidence | A Dating Guide for Shy Guys

    They're often late bloomers, since their nerves and general social awkwardness kept them from getting into the game as early as everyone else. It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life" to make interesting conversation. Click here to go to the free training. When a guy is shy and not confident about women insecure thoughts often flow through their heads in an effortless stream; "I'm hopeless.

    I'll never get better. I suck with women. I'm not good looking enough. There's no way that girl at work actually likes me. I totally screwed up with her the other day when I made that dumb joke. It's all quite self-sabotaging.

    First, a lack of confidence isn't all that attractive. Next, they can be hyper-alert for any signs of rejection, and almost eager to conclude the worst. For example, if they're casually chatting to a girl and she mentions a TV show that he doesn't like, he may get deflated and think, "Ah man, she likes that show? There's no way she'll be into me now. Dammit, another prospect hasn't panned out.

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    Story of my life. I'll never meet anyone. A lot of what I've mentioned so far hints at this. It's hard to explain, but almost unconsciously shy guys can have the attitude that in order to get a girlfriend the world has to send them one packaged in such a way that they won't feel anxious or have to do anything that pushes them out of their comfort zone. They figure everything will finally work out one day when they stumble into a girl who naturally likes them, who they won't have to take the initiative to talk to, who they won't have to ask out, and who has the magic combination of qualities which ensures they never feel nervous around her.

    It's also really common for shyer guys to fantasize about meeting a really forward, aggressive woman who makes all the scary moves for them. She asks him out, she kisses him first, etc. However, if a guy is really shy he may still balk in the face of someone so direct, and still blow his chance. The idea that if they want a girlfriend they'll have to actively work on finding one, or that they'll have to learn to cope with their nervousness , isn't on the map. Nope, they just have to meet the perfect girl under the perfect circumstances, where they'll essentially be guided along by rails the whole way with no room to screw up.

    They have thoughts such as: Maybe in next semester's classes I'll randomly end up sitting beside the person of my dreams", or "Maybe at my job the girl I like will be assigned to work on a project with me all day", or "Maybe this time when I go to the bar and just stand around all night a girl will walk up to me and seduce me. When a guy is shy and inexperienced with women he usually isn't immersed in female company or the dating and hook up scene.

    They may also be socially inexperienced or isolated in general, because they like to keep to themselves, or since they don't have a ton of friends. That means they get their ideas of what dating and girlfriends and relationships are like from sources such as movies, television, magazines, the internet, and snippets of conversation they've heard from other people. Shy guys often develop a caricatured, romanticized view of relationships, because they've seen too many romantic comedies or high school dramas with Hollywood endings. According to their 'education' the beautiful cheerleader always wants a caring, sensitive guy who likes her for her.

    The female lead wants a nice guy to save her from the all the jerks she normally attracts. Women are sweet, innocent creatures that needed to be nurtured. Shy guys have a blind spot for the reality that some girls might get drunk and make out with a hot guy just for the hell of it, or that they could have a friend-with-benefits, or that they would want to casually date a few people at once, or that they could go home with someone they met that night at a party.

    This can make shy guys a bit clueless about dating protocol. People in a guy's age group may not even really 'date' at all, but he wouldn't know it because that's what people do in the movies and on TV. They may wonder things like: Continuing on the theme of having an over-romanticized view of dating: When a shy, inexperienced guy finds a girl he likes, his thoughts often aren't, "She seems neat, maybe we can hang out a few times and see where it goes.

    She's my dream girl. I just want to cuddle her by the ocean for hours as we watch the shooting stars above.